Meeting People and Dating Organically In Four Simple Steps
If it seems like online dating is difficult it’s because it is. According to a Pew Research Center study, 30% of adult Americans have used an online dating platform. Only 12% have had a relationship stem from them. Online dating has only become more prominent with the pause that the global pandemic put on our lives. With the end of the pandemic nearing it’s time for a refresher on dating organically. First, let’s find out why someone may prefer meeting organically to meeting online.
Benefits of Dating Without the Apps
Apps may change the dating landscape but you can never beat the real thing. Here are some of the benefits that come from dating organically, and why you may prefer it to online dating.
No Limitations in Communicating
When messaging someone online, it may be difficult to understand the tone of the message. Reading between the lines may not be as easy as it seems. If you’re a sarcastic person, the person you are messaging may misinterpret what you are saying and it likely won’t be as funny as it would be in person. Communicating with someone face-to- face is much more straightforward and meaningful.
If you are looking for advice on improving your flirting over text, here are some tips.
Easier to Make a Judgement
Meeting someone in person gives you a picture of who they actually are. No more wondering what a person looks like without a filter, or wondering how they act in person. Dating without the apps allows you to know that before even asking them out.
It works both ways. While you will have an easier time making judgments on whether you’d date someone, they will have a fuller picture of whether they want to date you. While it may sound nerve-wracking, you will no longer be second-guessing whether your bio is holding you back from potential matches.
Much More Exciting
The experience on dating apps can feel very unsexy at times. The cycle of swiping and messaging can feel routine and dull after a while. It’s a completely different experience when you step out of your comfort zone and find people in real life. Messaging a person first may make you a little nervous but it does not compare to the rush of asking someone out in real life.
4 Steps to Dating Organically
Now that you know the benefits of dating organically, it’s time to start with these 4 steps on meeting and dating without the apps.
Step 1: Put Yourself Out There
Meeting new people, whether it be a romantic partner or a new friend, is all about being in the right place at the right time. Unlike online dating, you won’t be able to meet new people organically from home, so start getting out there. Putting yourself out there could be anything from joining a book club to going to bars.
Be Open, Not Desperate
You should start doing things that you enjoy. If you only start doing things to meet and flirt with people you will seem desperate. Many believe that you’ll find love when you stop looking. When you stop focusing only on finding a hookup or a date and start enjoying yourself. When you start enjoying yourself you will be more attractive to the people around you.
Do Things You Enjoy
Bars and clubs may seem like the best places to meet people, but if you are not enjoying yourself you will not find people who want to date you. You’re more likely to find a match doing something you actually enjoy rather than forcing yourself to do something you can’t stand. Being passionate about something makes you more attractive to others. Do what you love and you’ll naturally attract the right people.
Step 2: Take Risks and Be Yourself
Once you’ve put yourself out there you’ll need to make a move. This can be frightening but the beauty of meeting in person is that you can pick up on visual and verbal cues to determine if they are into you.
Take Calculated Risks
It’s important that you recognize the signs that someone is or isn’t interested so that you can take calculated risks. Some signs the person you’re talking to is interested include:
- Mirroring – Small displays of copying or mimicking your speech and non-verbal communication.
- Standing very close to you
- Leaning towards you
- Touching your arm or hand
- Facing towards you
- Asking you a lot of questions
- Direct Eye Contact
- Preening – Behaviours aimed at improving their physical appearance (eg. straightening a tie or fixing their makeup)
Don’t Fake It
Whatever you do, don’t play a character. You may think that pretending to be into something you are not, or acting completely different will help you come off as more attractive. In reality, ‘playing a character’ will make you seem disingenuous or attract the wrong people. It is better to be yourself and it will make things easier for you.
Step 3: Keep Trying
Dating online does have its benefits and not facing the same type of rejection is one of them. While you may not get the same rushes of excitement on an app, you won’t experience the same lows as you will in real life when dating. It’s important to not get discouraged by rejection. Don’t let a bad moment get in the way of a fun time.
Learn to Forget
The worst thing you can do if someone rejects you is being too persistent. No means no, so don’t try to push it. Being overly pushy will ruin everyone’s time. As difficult as it may be, learn to get over rejection and go back to enjoying yourself.
Don’t Go Right Back Into Things After Rejections
If you do get rejected, another mistake you can make is immediately trying to flirt with someone else. This is a desperate move and most people will be able to sense it. If they saw you get rejected or have heard about it, this could be a massive turn-off. When rejected, find the people that you are comfortable with and go back to enjoying yourself without attempting to flirt.
Step 4: Be Open To Anything
Once you’ve put yourself out there, taken calculated risks, and kept your head up high through it all, it is important to be open-minded. This does not mean that you have to date anyone, or that you need to spend time with people you don’t like. Being open-minded means taking advantage of opportunities, not burning bridges, and going into things with no preconceived expectations.
Take Advantage of Opportunities
Friends invited you out for drinks? Your office is looking for someone to join their baseball team? A friend is looking for a date to a wedding? Start saying yes to things you would be a maybe for and a maybe for things you would say no to. Opportunities for love can come from anywhere and saying yes to things is an easy way to maximize your chances at love.
Don’t Burn Bridges
It’s important to keep your connections. To do so you’ll need to make sure you stay in touch and maintain effective communication with them. You never know which one of your friends will set you up with the person of your dreams. This does not apply to toxic relationships. You should leave people that make you feel bad or have brought you down in the past.
Go into things with an open mind
Putting yourself out there means nothing if you are going into those things with negative notions. Always go into things with an open mind and no real expectations.
Start Dating Organically
Meeting people in real life may seem a little daunting, especially after the global pandemic we’ve experienced, but don’t let that stop you. Dating in the real world is an experience that dating apps cannot beat.
For potential ideas when meeting in person check out our article on conversation openers.